Black Fathers Support Group

Did Mummy Know Best After All?

Greg Morris

Written by GregMorrisUK   

Being brought up in a religious household, I was given explicit instructions on how things should be. I would wait until I was of marrying age, court a young lady with complimentary religious views, always ensuring I had an unfortunate friend on hand to come along as our shaparone. Then after a year or two we would get married before finally we could get our groove on. After the failure of my religiously required marriage, I rejected that way of doing things as unworkable madness and went off to figure out life on my own and with my own rules. 

10 years on, I sit every week with black men who have varying degrees of access to their children and broken relationships. The one thing I see repeats in everybody's experience is that they, like me are having to deal with the relationship breakdown alone. 

Could support from a more inclusive, more involved family have helped us keep our relationships with our children?

Could two people working towards the same explicit instructions have ensured our relationships with our children stay stronger.

Did mummy know best after all?

A few weeks ago, I was invited to a wedding of a lovely Seven Day Adventist couple who had rules and regulations within their courtship to stick to, who at their wedding had family member after family member take the mic and remind them to keep God in their marriage and to stick to each other, many of which were living examples of what a successful lengthy and happy marriage looks like.












And as I witnessed this celebration of marriage, for the first time since...ever! I personally felt like maybe, just maybe all the things I was taught when I was younger, about having God in my life, about the sanctity of marriage and shunning the worlds view of what a relationship should  be like was right all along, and actually the happiness that is promised by secular viewpoints are a con and have more chance of children growing up without a father and fathers dealing with the family dysfunction ineffectively because he is doing it on his own. 

Right now, as I write this the jury is still out, the good news is that within the black community the trend of children growing up without their fathers has gone down in recent years. The 2001 census had dependent children growing up in a single parent black Caribbean family at an embarrassing 57% and a more recent figures out by the Office for National Statistics say that figure is now at  48% so it could be seen that we are starting to sort out our priorities as a community.

It looks to me as though there are pro's and cons in both set schools of thought.  I would say though having the opportunity of seeing how life can turn out outside of a religious organisation and comparing that with the worst case scenarios within it, I would say the best place to be when you start your family is within the relative safety and security of religion and family. 

http://www.metro.co.uk/news/44768-race-divide-on-single-parents




 

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